one two three fourrrrnication!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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