I just made out with a guy for $7.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
