I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
