Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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