exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
