You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
