I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
