I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
