is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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