did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
