Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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