1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
