dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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