There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
