Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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