I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
