so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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