Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Will exercising make me less horny?
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