the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
