Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
