I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
