How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
