wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
