Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
