I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
