im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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