the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
