He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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