Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
