2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
