like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
