I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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