i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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