Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I am naked and annoyed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
