I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
