I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
