Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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