Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
