he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
