my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
