so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
