I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
