forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
