I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
