i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
