Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
