I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
