So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you had me at cake vodka
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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