This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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