please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize