I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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