Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
