I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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