I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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