He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
