too bad you live with your parents still
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
