margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
me + whiskey = a bad person
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
