Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
