I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
