so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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