I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize