my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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