Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
