Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize