Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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