Redeem this text for a blowjob
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
