how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
