I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
