My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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