She's JV to your varsity
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
