before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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