you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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