Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
