I hate all girls vehemently.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
