why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
