I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize