Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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